"seeing the best you bring..."

i just heard that quote and used it. i don't even know the context, it just popped out of a jimmy eat world song, that i've never heard before. and now we see where it takes us.

i don't think i'm bringing my best to the table, in anything i do. i skate by, knowing my average is much better than most people's best. arrogant much? yeah, but it's true. i remember when i was a grade schooler and i would get a minuses and my mom would get on my case, calling me a 'skater'. and she was right. i've been doing this at work a lot. and i don't think i'm putting everything i have into the girl. the great thing is she doesn't notice. well, maybe it's not great. i'm treating her just well enough, that's it's a million times better than she's ever been treated by a boyfriend in her life. that doesn't really say a lot about me. i should be making a bigger commitment to her, give her more. she deserves it.

i'm making her a mix cd today. this is step one.

on a side note, i need to start writing again. words and music. i think it'll help my current state of mind.

is it morning yet?

wow, i fell asleep on the couch again? now i'm wide awake at five in the a.m. i'm hoping a little writing and a few more beers will put me to sleep. i hate not being able to sleep. the girl was having the same problem. she's having problems sleeping without me. i don't know if this is awesome or annoying. i mean, we can't sleep together every night, so that's terrible that she's not sleeping right now. but it's cute, that she misses me to the point of not being able to sleep. at first, i wasn't able to sleep at all when she was over. now, i pass out like a sleeping lion. i love sleeping with this girl!

speaking of which, our third anniversary is next friday. not a big deal, i know, but we're taking a little day trip to riverside and staying the night at the mission inn. i've always wanted to stay there but never had someone to take. it's kind of expensive, but it's going to be all kinds of neat and fun times. even if, just for one night...

i'm looking forward to some days off this month and next. i'm taking tomorrow off for a game and to do some extra relaxing after working two weeks in a row. i'm taking next weekend off for the hell of it. then i'm taking the saturday of labor day weekend off for the mutt's skate that i'm not even sure is happening. and finally, the first weekend of october is vegas, baby, vegas. we all got swank rooms at the mgm signature. it's going to be ridiculous fun and the girl actually decided to go. i can't wait.

alrighty, let's see if sleep is an option at this point.

why am i risking it all...

...for someone i don't match up on paper with, you might ask? well, she's friggin' awesome. so, what's wrong(to start off)? let's go down the list, which i could tell was bugging my friends:

-she works for me

-she's only twenty-two

-she's cambodian(not really a detractor, except for the fact we're from two entirely different worlds)

-we have very, very little in common, almost nothing(see above different worlds thing)

now, why does none of that bug me? the work thing, well i've always ignored that rule, so here i go again, but i weighed the consequences pretty heavily this time, taking everything into account. and then i said, fuck the consequences, this one is worth it. the age thing? we talked about it day one, and we both whole heartedly agreed that age is just a number. the race thing? i don't really care. okay, the last thing should seriously bug me. my whole life, i grew up loving things to death. you hear that? "things". i've pretty much judged people not on who they were, but what they liked or loved. there's a great quote from a movie that better illustrates that, but i'm forgetful of what flick and the actual quote, so i'll just digress here. anyways, i've pretty much defined myself and the people around me by what they love. she has no favorite anything. in fact, she has no real interests at all. it makes discussion kind of difficult. but the more i get to know her, the more i realize that she hasn't grown up defining herself by things that she loves, but defines herself by people she loves. what defines her is her relationships with people. this has blown my mind. the things that matter most to her are the people in her life. this is so comforting to me and it makes it so easy to see past the fact that we have so little in common. what's more comforting is that she decided to include me in her life, among the things she loves. this is why i'm risking it all. hopefully, in time, the people in my life will see this, and come to accept her as i have. she's the reason i smile all day long and want to do better with my life. i'm embracing this one.

so yeah, i have a girlfriend now. a damn fine one.