"seeing the best you bring..."

i just heard that quote and used it. i don't even know the context, it just popped out of a jimmy eat world song, that i've never heard before. and now we see where it takes us.

i don't think i'm bringing my best to the table, in anything i do. i skate by, knowing my average is much better than most people's best. arrogant much? yeah, but it's true. i remember when i was a grade schooler and i would get a minuses and my mom would get on my case, calling me a 'skater'. and she was right. i've been doing this at work a lot. and i don't think i'm putting everything i have into the girl. the great thing is she doesn't notice. well, maybe it's not great. i'm treating her just well enough, that's it's a million times better than she's ever been treated by a boyfriend in her life. that doesn't really say a lot about me. i should be making a bigger commitment to her, give her more. she deserves it.

i'm making her a mix cd today. this is step one.

on a side note, i need to start writing again. words and music. i think it'll help my current state of mind.